Hear me out
You've been through more than someone at your age should, and especially, is prepared for. I don't think anyone is prepared for losing someone so meaningful. Through seeing you and talking to you, and just noticing things about you.. I really feel like you should take counseling into consideration. This comes from the heart and from people who really care about you. You don't have to stick with it, and you don't have to talk to anyone. I know it's hard to talk to some random stranger about your problems, but it's not healthy to bundle them up inside of you. If not some type of counseling, talk to someone. Even if you don't think you need to, we do.
What this is crazy
I'm sorry to sound so abrupt and maybe rude but it's best