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the one that got away...

Well...I know it's an unconventional way of making contact, but I just couldn't stand all the other ways. Maybe I'm just a coward, maybe it's because my feelings for you are THAT strong...but it was no option for me to just walk up to you and say "Hi" !

It has been almost a year since we first met, but I still can't get you out of my head!

The thing is, when I'm awake I can almost always phase you out, replace you with something that is going on RIGHT NOW, rather then things that went down 10 month ago. But the moment I go to sleep, I can't control my thoughts. It's like going to bed with a sword above my head.

I know my words won't change anything, you're happy with your current boyfriend, and I am happy for you ( yeah, I realise that this sounds shallow ). But, with all my heart, I want you to be happy!

I just wanted you to know:

We would have been great together, I would have cared for you, I would have supported you "through thick and thin".
I knew of all your problems, and I was prepared for them.
I was ready to be your punching bag, solid as a rock, always there to pick you up after a bad day and listen to the smallest of your problems...

Soon I will be leaving this country for a few month, I'm looking forward to those weeks, and somehow i thought, this message would free me in some sort, free me of YOU...but writing this was about the hardest thing I ever did in my life.

I guess, I just wanted you to know that I still think of you, a lot!

Truly yours,

Carsten
Carsten,
Dont know what to say really. I was deeply touched by what u wrote. That was one reason why i couldnt reply. As well as shocked i still have that big impact on u.
After reading, i get why u can´t just walk up to me and pretend nothing ever happened. And im sorry i didnt realize. I figured it has to be possible we get along one day.
I agree with u that we could have been great together(under different circumstances) but i dont agree that u could have coped with my problems. I know its unfair to say so without having tried but we talked bout our view on relationships and still yet im not even close to being able to deal with an indepedent, space-needing person.
U said u knew of all my problems, but u couldnt (neither did i) but i didnt expect u to. But fact is because i knew of at least half my probs i decided it couldnt work. Not with my unhealthy fear of losing that person. I did it for the best, believe me.
I know u would have tried to be patient, but i would have taken the breath out of u.
So whats left?
I wish we hadnt met at that point.i wish it all been different. And i wish i could change your feelings cus i hate to hear u suffering like that.
I reckon, as with me in yr life clearly doesnt work , i wish nothing but the best for u (yes,thats cheesy as well)
I hope argentina can give u some ease and takes that sword away, because i really want u to be happy, too.