Dear Older Sister

Dear YOU,

Right now, I just had my heart broken. Not by a father. Not by a mother. Not by a boyfriend (by the way I'm a female). No, my heart was broken by my best friend. A girl I've known for 7 years. A girl I thought would be at my wedding as the maid of honor. A girl I was willing to travel half-way across the world with in order to experience England with. A girl I thought I would have the pleasure of visiting and giving her a gigantic hug. A girl I even considered my older sister. A girl I loved dearly with all my heart.

Well, what happened? Why am I sitting here with swollen eyes, a snotty nose, tears falling down my cheeks like a waterfall, and some random cloth thing that is covered to the brim with snot and tear stains? A boy.

A boy she was willing to accept emotional and psychological abuse from. A boy who has threatened to hurt her several times. A boy who had at one point dumped her with no remorse once he found another girl he liked. A boy who would invade her privacy and read through all her messages. A boy who always thought she was anything besides a great woman. A boy who made several of her friends walk away. That boy.

I thought she had changed. I literally was convinced she saw some type of light. One day, she told me she had left him. Wrote him a letter, deleted his accounts from hers, and wanted to move on. I was so happy that I tried whatever I could to help her with her grief. I knew she loved this jerk and it was not going to be easy for her to just simply leave him.

Well, then she changed? Why are you crying? Why did she hurt you? You may ask...She lied. Completely.

She had created another facebook and her only friend on that "fake facebook" of her's was him. Yes, him. That boy. A friend of ours and I had confronted her about it. I was willing to walk away at that point, but I was filled with pure anger and nothing else. By the time I calmed down, I heard her response. A friend had told her to do it, she claimed. A friend had told her to talk to him, work things out, and become friends. I was convinced she was telling the truth. She was so defensive and was very stern about it. Now, I can see that was a total lie.

She created another facebook account. Same situation. She added him to it as her only friend. This time was different. Previously, she had told me she wanted to change and become a better person. When I saw her newest fake facebook account, I realized that everything she had told me was a lie. I meant nothing to her. I was dirt.

For him, she was willing to lie to my face, back stab me, and betray my trust just to be with him. For him, she was willing to lie through her teeth to be with. For him, she would go past her limits in order to date him. For him, she would defend her life for.

For me, she would lie. For me, she would be willing to deceive and betray my trust. For me, she would take his side. She always took his side. I looked my memories from my past and realized that I was nothing to her. I, her friend for 7 years, was completely nothing to her.

I began writing her a farewell poem and tears began to fall like rain. It hurt. It never hurt before when I was planning on leaving her, but I knew better now. Those previous times I would actually have to hint to her to not let me walk away. I was crying, because I knew this was it. This was a REAL goodbye. I knew I wasn't going to turn back this time. This was the last time. She made her choice. She wanted him. She chose to have me walk out of her life.

The tears that I cry right now is the symbolism of a lot of things that had happened between me and her coming to an end. Our first stories. Our first advices. Our first songs to each other. Our first promises. Our first accomplishments. Our first hopes. Our first dreams.

The memories that I always held in my heart were stabbing me, because I knew I didn't want to leave her. I didn't want to go, but now I knew better. I knew that if I stayed with her nothing would change. If I stayed with her, she'd continue to run to him. If I stayed with her, I would still be dirt compared to the almighty jerk who would rather ruin her than save her life regardless of if she sees this or not.

I cared. I want her to know that I goddamn cared for her more than she will probably ever know. These tears I'm crying is because I never wanted to let her go. I never wanted this to happen, but here comes goodbye.

I hope you are happy. You lost the person who is crying, because I am also worried that once I leave that you will screw up your life more. I am crying because I am worried he will hurt you again and you may never recover again. I am crying because you meant more to me than I ever did to you. I am crying because I loved you. I loved you more than you can ever comprehend and you chose to lose me. You chose for me to walk away. I hope you realize that single choice you made to be dedicated to him no matter the cost was the one choice to lose me forever.

You told me that I was the one to stick it out. That I was the one that no matter what happened I stuck with you and that you cared for me more than that boy ever did. Even though you will deny it, that was all lies. If I meant anything to you, and I do mean ANYTHING then you would not need to make a facebook behind my back and talk to him anyway. You would have at least come to me with these urges. You would have told me that you felt the urge to run to him and you needed help to fight it. You didn't bother to seek help. You ran to him. With open arms. A smiling face. Behind the back of the person who was with you throughout all his chaotic episodes. The person who yelled at him for your sake, because I knew what he was doing to you was KILLING you. I was seeing you murdered before my eyes and I tried to save you. I tried to save you. I tried to help you.

I hope you are happy with your choice. Here comes goodbye. You are going to lose your little sister. The one who wanted the very best for you. The one who loved you with all her heart. You ripped that in half with your bare hands for a boy who will murder you with no remorse to his name. Goodbye.

Your Little Sister