I know you don't wanna talk to me but PLEASE read

When you left, my everything left. I was so hurt so angry that you could just get up and leave after all we've been through. I know I said some things that I didn't mean and it was because I was angry and my heart was torn. You were my everything, my heart, my soul, my best friend, everything I ever wanted, the air that I breathed, you completed me. You were my halo, you broke down so many walls that I didn't know I even had, you taught me that it's okay to show someone how much you love them to the world, it took awhile for me to show you affection in public but you never gave up. There alot of times you never gave up except for that one cold day in October when you blocked off your heart, when you threw away everything you ever promised me, most of all, our future. I never in my life loved anyone or gave anyone so much of me as I did you. To this very day, all of our memories still play over and over again in my head until I hear or see something that reminds me of you then I break down and cry. I don't know how many times I've broken down and cried, in fact the last time was Saturday night. Words cannot describe how much I miss you, us and our memories. We had more good times than bad and it's the good times that are ripping me apart right now because they are still fresh in my mind and in my heart. All of our songs, like the first one that was playing when we first met...that is the one that I hold closest to my heart and that is the one that makes me cry, our memories of going to the mexican store, going to the park with the kids, staying up for hours just me and you loving eachother, all the words you said to me to make me feel like a princess, all the promises you made me, all the e-mails you sent me while I was at work, all the little papers that you used to write "Steven loves Leah" on which I still have, the time you left and came back and when you held Jaycee she just hugged you like you were gone for years, when I took you to your step dad's grave, when your co-worker died, when you felt Jaycee's first tooth, the time you proposed to me in front of everyone all these memories kill me little by little everyday. I'm not happy without you, I fake it because that is the only way I will believe that I'm happy. I NEVER meant what I said to you about you walking out on your daughters life, I really didn't, I was just so angry that at that moment, Jaycee didn't mean anything to you after you were there for her since she was 10dys old, it wasn't three weeks, she was 10dys old when you met her for the first time. There are alot of things I wish I could go back and change and alot of hurtful words I said to you that I wish I could take back. I'm sorry but I don't think I will ever get over you, no one will ever take your place and yes, I'm STILL in love with you just as I was when we first met. For me it was love at first sight, something told me that you were the one, that I should just forget about everyone else because you were going to be in my life forever. My nights are so lonely without you, I miss laying on your chest, I miss waking up to your beautiful face, I miss everything about you, I miss the way you kissed my forehead, the way you made love to me, the way you held me, the way you touched me, the way you looked in my eyes, the way you touched my face and told me you loved me, I miss you. This is the only way I could get in touch with you so please write me back through this website if you wish, it would mean alot to me. What I'm trying to say is I know deep in your heart everything that I've said in this letter, you feel it too. I'm not trying to get you back, I just want you in my life as a friend, someone that I can lean on. I just ask one thing....put aside all the pain we put eachother through, think of us at our best then think of where and who you are with now...look in your heart and ask I really truly happy? I did, my answer is no and I don't think I ever will be again because you are gone. I really think we both need to talk to eachother, I need to know how I hurt you and you need to know how you hurt me, no nasty words, no screaming, no accusing, no putting eachother down...just me and you, heart to heart, I would do anything for that. So please contact me. I was always there for you and I always fought for you so just do me one favor and ask Naomi how to get ahold of me.