Third Wheel and "Best Friends"
I'm always the third wheel... I sit and smile and pretend that I'm fine, but I'm not. Being alone is hard, but being alone is much harder when you're always the person who doesn't belong. Not only that, but the single friends I have can talk about whoever they like, and can act on it at any time and it's completely fine. I can't do that. The taboo behind being gay is horrible... I can't say I like somebody, it makes people uncomfortable. And I'm not the sort of person to engage is hook ups, which I wish sometimes wasn't the case. It would be nice if I could convince myself to do hook-ups... just for the warmth... The embrace of another human. The one person I truly have feelings for, and who I actually would have a chance with, says I'm their "best friend"... Why... How does the first real opportunity for me in 20 years remain so completely oblivious, despite me not only just dropping hints, but flat out saying I like them... Maybe they don't feel that way back, but I can't continue doing what I'm doing... It hurts to much. It hurts more to pretend everything is fine when you're almost not alone, than it does when you actually are... sigh