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wtf is this?

i loved you and you hurt me so badly. you see that whore of a girlfriend of yours and i know that was supposed to be me. were still best friends, but everyday i contemplate as to whether or not we should be. i loved you so much, and i still do, no matter how much i dont want to. you say you love me as a sister, but i still question the truth in that statement. do you really? or do we both just say that cause we love each other more than that, but are afraid to do anything because i might get hurt again, and you would be the cause? you said it killed you to do what you did, yet you still did it. you are the reason for my having no self-confidence, wanting to kill myself, and having an eating disorder. yet i still love you. i dont know whos the more messed up one. me or you. you said if i were to kill myself, you would kill yourself. what does that even mean????????? i want to move on so badly but i cant. you mean too much to me. no matter what happens, i know i will always love you. i dont know about how you will feel, but i hope you can say the same. and not a sibiling love either. the love that we started out with. i miss that. i love you.